and so the story began,

and so the story began,

jessica

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birthdayyyyyy [9-23-09 at 10pm]

i turned 18 today, for those of you keeping score back at home :)

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[10-12-08 at 9pm]

before i start rambling about my life and what not, i wanted to share this.
i'm a christian, but i will admit, my faith is nowhere near as strong as people i know,
but i watched this on youtube today, and it seriously made me go 'wow, that is crazy'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

------

i can't say my life is going too bad right now. i'm doing pretty.. alright.
things aren't spectacular, but my life's nowhere near down in the dumps.

recently i started 'blogging' i guess you could say?
on a completely different website i made an account.
i don't know anyone on that website at all,
and i don't write about my day or anything.
i've just been writing about things that come to my mind, things that make me think,
things that make me question other things.
like for instance, today i wrote about redefining beautiful, and how it's almost sad what the media is selling as beautiful.

i'm back to school tomorrow, my teachers took last week off to strike haha.
i can not wait to graduate. i feel like i'm ready to move on,
but i realize i'm saying this before the first semester is even over,
come may i'm probably going to be saying how i wish i could freeze the clock and live in this moment forever,
after all, these are the best years of my life, right?

i'm flying solo right now, and i've got to admit i kind of really like it.
it's nice not putting my energy into a guy,
i'm not in the right point in my life to be worried about a guy.
i need some me time.
and this 'me time' has also let me focus on my friends again.

i read my old journal entires on here a couple days ago.
my entires go back to 2005, oh my goodness, it was a huge trip down memory lane.
i was so annoying, so naive, so weird back then haha.
i can't believe how much i've changed.
these past 3ish years have been such a rollercoaster ride.
from freshman year until now.. i started high school at 13 years old, and i'm 17 now.
i feel like i've been through it all haha.. looking back is insane.
crazy crushes, long term boyfriends, all the classes i took, the friends i met,
the enemies i made, the choices i chose, the good and the bad,
everything i did wrong, everything i did right, every path i took led me here,
and to be honest with you, i'm glad. i like where i'm at, but without i doubt, i've got more places i have to go.

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[8-31-08 at 7pm]

hurricane gustav's got me writing this...

it's been three years since kartina hit, and it's been a year since i went back to visit.
i can't even get over how completely terrible it was to see a place i spent so much time growing up in completely torn apart.
it had to be one of the hardest things to swallow.
it's weird to see a place that you made so many memories in just be swept away, or more like washed away.
it was even weirder to see x's on windows, clothes in tree's, houses still a complete mess, people left their lives before the storm came in, and never came back... and the sad part is, for half of them, there was nothing to come back to :\
maybe one day i'll post some pictures.
i left my heart in ocean springs, mississippi. <3

and it's weird, as i was writing this, this song came on...

They we say we've got to leave but there's no way to go
This ain't the first time we've weathered out a storm
And I ain't got nothing but at least I know it's mine
And I'll be god damned if I'm leaving here before the day I die

So let the rain sting my neck
Let the mighty Mississippi take this god-forsaken town
Let the storm and all the fury come and carry me away
Take me to that place somewhere on higher ground

The voices on the radio were cracking off and on
The court is underwater and the levees all but gone
There's children in the treetops and soldiers in the sky
It's too late now to run I'd never make it out alive

Everyone sit tight help is on the way
I don't think Jr. is going to last another day
We got a sawed off and a red hot .44
So all you looters best come heavy when you're knocking on my door

We all know this crescent city just won't be the same again
And I'll still be standin' when the saints go marching in

X's on the windows say there's no one left inside
If you count the painted numbers you'll know just how many died
And I'm one in half a million so at least I'm not alone
The hurricane is over but the storm keeps raging on

So let the rain sting my neck
Let the mighty Mississippi take this god-forsaken town
Let the storm and all the fury come and carry me away
Take me to that place somewhere on higher ground
Take me to that place somewhere on higher ground

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[8-30-08 at 6am]

imagine my surprise when i poured my bowl of cocoa puffs this morning, and half of the pieces were white.
cocoa puff combos?!!? what the heck are they doing to my ceral. :(

its almost as bad as when they stopped making the trix pieces in the fruit shapes and made them all circles :(

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[5-16-08 at 11pm]

i'm falling so hard. <3

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[5-14-08 at 10pm]

narnia at 12:01 tomorrow?
i'm thinkin' maybe (:

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[5-14-08 at 6am]

change if you want, but dont you go and change for me,
i can love you as you are, i didn't mean to make you want to leave.
it's a fight between my heart and mind, no one really wins this time.

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[5-11-08 at 8am]

i think it's funny how some people grow apart, and how some never do.

i went to grandmas after work yesterday. it was really nice to see her.
she seemed to be doing good, and so did my uncle (:
i worked that whole morning before i went, so i was pretty tired.
i don't know why though, i worked 8-3 but it was viper club day,
so i basically did nothing but answer phones.
i love a day when i don't have to cash out anyones r/o (:
i stayed up all night texting love, 2&a half hours of constant cute texts that make me smile. <3
i love the feeling i get from him. <33333

today's mothers day! (:
i love my mom so much. i didn't know what to get her though.
so i just got her a card &20 dollars haha.
i don't know what we're doing.
my sister's singing at church, then i have to cash my check &tan.
then i think i'm gunna go up to the mall with my mom, and spend some $$$

i really like life right now, it's going in the direction i want it to, definitely.

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[5-8-08 at 9pm]

i love a guy that'll treat me right,
hold the door for me,
call me cute names,
sweet talk me,
hold my hand,
have big manly muscle arms,
and like me as much as i like them.

i'm glad i've found him,
i just wish it wasn't so darn complicated.

11 & comment

[5-6-08 at 9pm]

i went tanning for the first time today haha (:
it was nice, i only went in the regular hot bed for 10 minutes, but i'm already seeing a change in color.

other than that i didn't do much honestly.
it was a nice chill day, tomorrow i'll probably go out.
then i'm working thursday, out friday, filming our horror movie saturday
and chill day sunday! (:

i can't wait until the summerrrrrrr.
and until i get this text from ty tonight. <3

6 & comment

[5-5-08 at 10pm]

mmmmm my life, why doesn't it ever just chill out :(
at work on saturday, i found out the guy i had this crush on is 23.
he heard i was sixteen and was like :O i'm sure haha.
but i've been hanging out with tyler a lot lately, it's been nice.
but things are still so complicated, and today was no exception.
i took my AP gov test all morning, and go into fourth hour check my phone and see 6 missed texts.
tyler was complaining that chelsea found out he cheated on her with me, that's cool.
it was a big mess, but things got resolved.
the girl who told chelsea about me &ty messaged me saying
"stuffs cleared up. we know tyler wouldn't do that to chelsea"
hahah! please. so again, tylers innocent and i look like some psycho jealous liar. cute.
even though he just texted me saying how he's loved me since freshman year. whatever.

anyways, i should probably get some sleep.
i've got a long day of schooling &tanning ahead of me (:

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[5-3-08 at 11pm]

hello life story:

cause it's a long way down when your hopes are high as mountains
and i am worried that i'm falling for you.

10 & comment

[4-13-08 at 7am]

you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks even months over analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, would've happened. or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.

2 & comment

[4-12-08 at 9pm]

today has seriously worn me out.
i had to get up at 7:15 to go to my dad's all pro thing,
and as soon as i woke up my mom goes "do you want to start a new job today?"
let me tell you, that woke me up for sure.
so, i went to my dad's all pro breakfast &heard the speaker.
then after that i took ally home &went up to the dodge store!
i started getting my training today, 12-3.
it was nice, but i'm cashiering &answering phones in the service department,
which let me tell you, is hard as heck!
i'm the one who has to deal with all the people complaining about their car's issues/how much things cost/how long it takes for the car to get fixed.
sucks, but there's a huge plus side.
i work monday &thursday 4-8, and every other saturday 8-3, and more than half of the time i'm working, i won't be doing anything.
i take home about $110 a week, which is really nice!
it's going to be super interesting though, i work with all the guys. :(
i met a lot of them today.
i think i'll be seeing the most of the technicians, which is fine by me, they're all only like 18-20ish, and they're a lot of fun.
i think next monday &thursday i'll be finishing up training and then i'm on my own.
i close every night i work though so that's gunna be something.
but it's all good i need the cash money $$$

anyways, i'm going to cuddle up and watch some movies, i'm tooooooooo tired.

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[3-28-08 at 10pm]

so i got my four wisdom teeth taken out thursday morning, ugh.
worst experience of my life hands down.
the best part was the surgery.
i got there and was so scared, but i got laughing gas and then my doctor put my IV in
and i got knocked out after that and don't remember a thing until i got woken up.
they took me into the recovery room and man i was dazin'!
and i like i was gunna get soo sick so they had to give me another shock to calm me down.
after that i got home and i was so freaking numb.
my mom was trying to give me vicodin to wash down with my milkshake and oh my gosh,
i couldn't get the milkshake in my mouth, and i was bleeding everywhere.

-- currently i have:
a) swollen cheeks on both sides
b) my jaw is bruised on the right side
c) definite pains in my lower gums
d) bleeding through my stitches
e) bruised arm from where i got my IV/shots
f) little to no ability to eat/chew/talk

then today i woke up and the pain was kind of gone and i thought i was doing better
but i walked into the living room and my sister was like 'ew you have blood all over your face'
and i really did, all over my lip,cheeks,nose &teeth. it was so nasty.
i've been tired all day and sooo hungry.

but all i can eat until wednesday is jello, milkshakes, soup &pudding. :(
food has never looked delicious in so long.

i spent most of today dazed/passed out on my couch.
then my momma came home and recovered with me.
i love her, she sat there for a couple hours watching the kardashians, she's the bestttttt. <3
and my dad ran out and got me lots of milkshakes! :)

life sucks though, fa sho.

6 & comment

[3-26-08 at 9pm]

i'm getting my wisdom teeth out in 11 hours.
and i'm flipping out!
every time i think about it makes me want to cry.
i can't wait to have this over with.

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[3-23-08 at 7am]

"He is risen, He is risen indeed."

Happy Easter.
<3 lovin' you Jesus.

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[3-16-08 at 7pm]

this weekend has been fairly good actually.

friday i left school at 11 and came home to realize how wonderful it was outside.
i wore spring clothes for the first time!
and aside from that i went to lunch w/ lindsey and got some bubble tea.
bubble island is the best! :)
i've realized how much i love ann arbor haha.

saturday was pretty busy, i was surprised.
i woke up and found out some family was coming over.
(it was the good side of the family too, my dad's, so that was a plus)
got to see them for a bit, and then had a good night ahead of me.
i went out to dinner &to a whaler's hockey game w/ all my loves.
lmao, amazing time. <3
we were the first row behind the glass of the visitors teams side.
and #24 from the sarnia sting team kept skating up and staring at me during practice
then during the game he kept looking back.
and he ended up throwing me the puck from the game &he gave me his number hahaha. love it.<3
good time good time.

then today was my little sister's first communion.
it's crazy how fast she's growing up.
my dad's side of the family came up to the church too.
then after that we went out to lunch with them and celebrated my other sister's birthday.
then i came home and caught up on some sleep.
and i'm fixing to go watch big brother!

this week is going to be intense.
spring break starts friday.
i'm going to be at church constantly.
thursday - pass over dinner &maunday thursday service.
friday - good friday service
saturday - easter egg hunt for the little kids
sunday - easter service.

i think i'm seeing my mom's side of the family easter too, yuck.
i don't want to see kalee haha.

ugh &i forgot chris is leaving on wednesday to go road tripping.
he's spending wed-sat w/his cousins driving to nashville for sunday to have easter with his family.
and then they're coming back monday night.
who am i gunna have my lnc's with haha. <33

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[3-13-08 at 10pm]

i'm finally done with testing, thank goodness. i'm about sick of it haha.
tomorrow's friday, thank goodness for that too actually :)
i came home into the middle of my parents bible study class
and they were talking about who they wanted to pray for,
and it brought up something crazy.
one of my parents friends said his dad called him and said he has a feeling he won't make it to his next birthday.
and they started saying how they think older people get tired, and they just know. they just know when it's their time.
and i remember my dad bringing home my grandma's stuff after she passed,
and there was a voicemail saved on her phone.
her sister called, and she didn't make to the phone in time, so it recorded their conversation
and my grandma's sister said "jenny you don't sound too good"
and my grandma said she knew, she didn't know what was going on, but she didn't want to dig her grave yet
and three weeks later she died.
it was eerie, but i think they do know.

anyways, aside from that the biggest high in my life can be summed up in my away message,

Auto response from via jessica: christopher michael, listen up because i'm not keeping this up for long. i'm usually not like this, to pour it all out via away message, but.. you seriously mean so much to me. and believe me when i say you've held my heart for 3 years. you're every single thing i'm not, and everything i never knew i needed. you keep me grounded, and i'm so thankful for that. i'm not the type of girl that needs someone, but i need you. and i'm not the type of girl that believes in young love but i believe in you. i hope you understand that when i don't say i love you, it doesn't mean i don't. i do, in some way i'm sure. but i believe love is something more than the high school 'i love you' 'i love you too' thing. i hope you remember that every smile i wear to sleep at night, it's because of you. i don't know what's going to happen 5 years from now i don't know where i'll be 5 months from now, but i know i want to be there with you.<3

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[3-11-08 at 6am]

i'm taking my ACTs in an hour :o
yikes! i'm too tiredddd.

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